just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
