put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
His nipple licking is glorious
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