I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
