If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
