I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
