Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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