is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
