tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize