You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
