I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
