first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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