If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
