Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just pee around me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
