I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
