if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
