dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
