i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
