dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
