our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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