with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
