Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize