hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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