The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
