Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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