she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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