His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
