well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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