brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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