whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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