I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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