How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
