i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
