Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
