How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize