Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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