you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
