This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
