Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Randomize
