Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
