i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
