pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
