Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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