There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
