just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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