he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
