if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
