Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize