So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
