At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
