I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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