he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
