is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize