I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
