I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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