Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
