For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
