Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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