I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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