Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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