so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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