My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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