We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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