I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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