How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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