never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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