i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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