Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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