it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
